Ideas for cheap new cable TV shows:

Looking to add a little ‘razzamataz’ to a Scottish waterway? Pimp My Clyde. Friends unimpressed when you show them photos from your holidays projected onto your living-room wall? Pimp My Slide. Unsatisfied with the uniform murkiness, if not the dramatic unpredictability, of the murderous waters and sands of Morecambe Bay, curse of the cockle-picker? Pimp My Tide. Bored with constantly seeing your best deliveries race down the leg-side without so much as a derogatory glance, let alone an attempt at a shot, from a batsman casually approaching yet another century (not one for the majestic [Grievous Bodily] Harmison this, with his figures yesterday of 6 for 19)? Pimp My Wide. Lions looking a little lacklustre? Pimp my Pride.

Definitions of pimp on the Web:

someone who procures customers for whores (in England they call a pimp a ponce)
pander: arrange for sexual partners for others
wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

A pimp is an informal term for a man who runs a brothel or otherwise oversees prostitution. The female counterpart to a pimp is a madam. Typically, a pimp will solicit clients for, protect, and in other ways manage a prostitute in exchange for a commission on her earnings.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pimp
Now it apparently means, in its verb form at least, the action by which one makes something cooler or, dare I say it (I dare), funkier (and now I hate myself). Don’t get me wrong: this is not necessarily a criticism, just an observation. Other words which have been transformed in meaning in my own lifetime (and thus yours, presumably) include ‘mobile’ (they used to hang over cots – possibly they still do – I had a Cud Purple Love Balloon one – it was great), and ‘text’ (which I’d like to be able to analyse in class without the kids instantly reaching for their mobiles – and not in a baby-in-a-cot kind of way, obviously).

One thing I refuse to tolerate though is the word ‘hoodie’ being used to refer to the wearer rather than the worn. Fucking journalists. Fucking Daily bastard Mail. A hoodie is an item of clothing, not a person. Or is that hoody? Is that the distinction? Now I’m just confusing myself. Bottom line: stop it, you sound like idiots.

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